Who You Are as Others See You

We had a wonderful neighbour for whom we cared for many years. It was always a very real pleasure to visit her. There was an atmosphere of serenity in her presence which was impossible to describe. She had deep dementia so she did not make sensible communication but her tone of voice matched her presence. I believe it matched her state of mind. She was a lovely person. I shall call her Ivy.

When we think of friends or family members we associate an emotion with them. There are no words used to describe the person we are thinking of or how we feel when we remember them. When we think of someone we know, whether we like them or not, they stir up an emotion in us. Everyone who met Ivy saw how lovely she was and how calming it was to be in her presence.

Unfortunately there are some people who have precisely the opposite effect. On occasions we hear an expression like; ‘that guy gives me the creeps’ or ‘I just feel tension when she is in the room’.

What was amazing about Ivy was that there was nothing she said to make one like her or not. The beauty was in her presence. I did not know her before her decline mentally.

Here is the challenge. Do other people feel about you as you believe that they should? This is not an exercise in being liked. It is your ability to portray the person you believe that you really are; to know your core values so that you live them and reflect them at all times.

In a previous post I talked about saying who you are. This is not necessarily about your profession. What are your core values? And how to discover what they are.

What is most important to you?

  • What is it that you do each day which gives you the greatest buzz?
  • What is in your job which gives most satisfaction?
  • What moments in a day or week make you feel great about yourself?
  • What makes you feel great about yourself?
  • When are you at your happiest?

There is no single answer to these questions. It will be helpful to make a list of all the possible answers. Then spend some time trying to narrow the emotions you have written into the fewest possible words. Write it in the present tense.

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An example you can write may be; I am caring, professional, creative, fit, enthusiastic and a good friend.

When you think of the people you love it is a single emotion to recall. You do not think of lists in that moment. Yet it is impossible to describe what love is.

How could you express yourself as you wish to be felt by others as a single emotion?  Now, could you could live that state of mind so that it transmits it to others?

Spend some time; perhaps a lot of time trying to distil all that is the nicest of yourself into as few words as possible. Write it in the present tense. I am ……  Wayne Dyer would say, write those brief words on a piece of paper and study it. When you think of who you are, just picture that piece of writing.

Here is another lovely habit I learned from Brian Tracy. Whenever you are driving somewhere and want to park outside the place you are driving to, concentrate and focus your thoughts on the spot where you wish to park. You will be amazed that it invariably is there, sometimes appearing just as you arrive.

Let us combine all of these enjoyable little exercises into one. Have a nice calming piece of music you really like, which would also be suitable for meditation. Listen to some videos about meditation to learn how. There are plenty on YouTube. Here is one by Wayne Dyer

Once relaxed, breathe deeply as if your breaths are travelling up through your body and out through the center of your forehead. As you breathe in, inhale that feeling which you have written on your secret piece of paper and as you exhale breathe it out to the world.

If you do this often, the music you have used will become the theme tune which goes with that emotion enabling to go back to it at will at any time.

This is who I am. This is how I wish to be seen.

There are people in our lives whom others say ‘oh he is actually quite nice when you get to know him’.  Strip away all the layers which give the false impression and replace them with the aura of who you believe yourself to be.

How being in Ivy’s presence brought such serenity is a mystery. A wonderful mystery.